


The Color of Hope

by estriel



Series: August Break 2019 [20]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Fluff, Idiots in Love, Injury Recovery, Light Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 01:56:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20399776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estriel/pseuds/estriel
Summary: Following his ankle injury, Yuzu's hope for the PyeongChang Olympics is nearly gone. But maybe there is hope for something else.





	The Color of Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Yesterday's prompt was _green_. Green is the color of hope, so that is the theme here. (Is this cheating?)
> 
> Thank you so much, all of you who have left comments and kudos on my stories recently. I am slow with responding but, as I have said before, I love receiving them - my little writer-heart is flooded with warmth knowing that you are enjoying my writing. <3

White pill, for the pain. Green pill, to sleep. Light blue, to keep the ever-present anxiety at bay.

Yuzu pops them out of the blisters and arrays them in his palm. After a moment of consideration, he discards of the blue one. He’d had these before, years ago, in the aftermath of the earthquake that changed his life forever. He didn’t like how they made him feel, like nothing mattered.

It’s early, too early to swallow the green one now, but Yuzu wants to, too frustrated to stay awake another minute, the day dragging on just like the one before it. Staying in bed, foot up,  _ resting _ his ankle.

This is not what he needs. He needs to be skating, training for the Olympics. He closes his eyes, barely battles off the tears. Why does he even bother though, he wonders, when his eyes are still puffy and red-rimmed from earlier, when crying is just about everything he can do at the moment.

With a sigh, he reaches for his glass of water, easily accessible where his mom had placed it on his bedside table, urging him to stay healthy and hydrated. Yuzu wonders why – there barely is any hope, even if his medical team was hesitant to voice it as plainly. 

Before he can swallow the pills, however, there is a knock on his door.

“Please just leave me alone,” he says, and hates himself, because his mom doesn’t deserve this, because she means well and Yuzu knows it. It’s just… he feels so helpless, so small and broken, his dreams in tatters. He can't stand her well-meaning care and coddling. 

The door creaks open a fraction, which is not like his mom – she usually respects his privacy. She peers in, unimpressed by his scowl. “You have a visitor,” she informs him.

Yuzu gapes at her. “A visitor?”  _ A visitor?  _ Yuzu doesn’t get visitors, other than Brian that first day after he returned home, supposedly come to talk strategy, but really to just talk sense into Yuzu, telling him to be  _ smart _ , to rest,  _ we can still do it _ . Yuzu saw the lie in his eyes as he said that last bit; Brian never did have a good poker face.

Who else could possibly visit him here? Yuzu doesn’t have friends. Most of the time, he doesn’t need friends – though he has to admit that sometimes, and this being one of those times, it would be nice to have someone to just… cry at. Complain to. Someone who is not his sports psychologist or his coach to give him a bit of a pep talk, or – even better – just let Yuzu whine, and nod and say  _ yes, this sucks, this is shit, you’re right. _

_ _

“Okay,” Yuzu says, curiosity getting the better of him. He pushes himself up a little further, wipes at his face to make sure there are no wet traces down his cheeks.

His mom disappears from the door. A moment later, the door opens, and in steps Javi.

He stops just inside, shoulders tense and smile tenser, but his eyes are soft. “Hi, Yuzu,” he says, mispronouncing the  _ zu _ worse than he has in years, clearly nervous.

“Hi,” Yuzu says, dumbstruck. Him and Javi are not friends, not exactly, though not for lack of trying from Javi’s side. It was Yuzu who always pushed him away, always declining Javi’s invitations to hang out, play video games, go out, have coffee. Yuzu feels himself blush because he has been a bit of an asshole, or at least must have looked that way to Javi. He couldn’t exactly tell Javi that he did want to come, do all these things, wanted it so much that it was dangerous, wanted it almost as much as that stupid PyeongChang gold he might not even get now. He couldn't explain why he couldn't accept any of Javi's invitations because that would, inevitably, lead to him admitting just how in love he was with Javi. And so he had stayed mumm, always shrugging and making up some lame excuse. He had not given Javi any reason to be nice to him outside of the rink – and yet here Javi is, looking at him like he cares.

Yuzu blinks back tears, yet again. 

“Um, can I sit?” Javi asks, then glances around, blushing when he realizes there’s really nowhere to sit but Yuzu’s bed. 

“Yes, please, sit” Yuzu says a little too quickly, then bites his lip, suddenly all too aware of his ridiculous T-shirt with Pooh, and of his sleeping shorts, or rather the fact that his legs are all bare, on display from mid-thigh to the dratted ankle propped up on a cushion.

Javi glances at him, and Yuzu is relieved to see that he looks about as awkward as Yuzu feels.

“How are you?” Javi asks, sitting gingerly on the edge of Yuzu’s bed and looks down at his ankle.

Yuzu lets out a laugh, bordering on hysterical. Javi looks taken aback; Yuzu can't blame him, painfully aware that he is acting like an emotional lunatic. “Sorry,” he blurts then. “Sorry, I’m – I’m not my best.”

Javi nods in understanding. “It sucks,” he says after a pause, sweeping his gaze over Yuzu’s ankle once again, over the bandages covering it, Yuzu’s bare toes. “I’m sorry.”

Yuzu bows his head. “Yeah, it sucks,” he agrees. “You have to win for both of us now,” he adds, trying and failing to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

Javi looks up, eyes intense. “Hey,” he says, hand flying out to tap Yuzu’s good leg with his palm. He pulls it back just as quickly, looking at it as if he had been burned. “Don’t give up yet, okay?”

Yuzu scrunches up his face, grimacing.

“You can do it,” Javi says, and this time, when he touches Yuzu, it is on the back his hand, and it is unbearably gentle. “You have to.”

“Why?” Yuzu asks, wiping at the single treacherous tear that has escaped from he corner of his eye.

“Because I need you,” Javi says, and when Yuzu looks up, he gives Yuzu a curious little smile.

*

The next day, Javi texts him.  _ Sorry I can’t come today. I’m dead,  _ the text says, and Yuzu wonders just how many quad drills Javi has done, how many run-throughs. He nearly starts crying again, but then his phone beeps again.

He opens the message, and smiles, quite despite himself. It is a video message, one of Javi’s cat leaping around wildly while Javi – out of the frame – dangles some feather on a string in front of her nose.

_ Effie is so cute. I wish I could meet her _ , Yuzu texts back and it is true – he wishes he could, finally, come play with Javi’s cat, like Javi had offered a couple times in the past.  _ Thank you, _ he adds when he realizes that the horrible knot of tension in his stomach that is his permanent companion these days has eased a little.

*

“Here, I brought you this,” Javi tells him, blushes, and hands him a small square gift wrapped in pale blue paper, printed with Pooh and Piglet.

It has been two weeks since the injury and Yuzu can now hop to the bathroom and back, as well as do floor exercises that do not involve putting weight on his foot. Needless to say, his abs, arms and shoulders are constantly on fire from all the workout he has been putting them through. 

It has been a week since Javi’s first visit, and Yuzu now has a collection of Effie videos on his phone. He’s embarrassed to admit just how many times he has replayed the short clips. Especially the ones that have Effie lying on Javi’s chest, Javi’s free hand stroking Effie’s shiny fur, Javi cooing to her in soft Spanish.

Yuzu peels off the paper carefully to reveal a simple white picture frame. Inside, resting on a light-colored paper background, is a pressed four-leaf clover. He looks up at Javi, surprised.

“For luck,” Javi says, and smiles bashfully. “I found it a few years ago in the park here in Toronto,” he goes on. “I won Worlds that year,” he adds, then ducks his head – of course, Javi winning Worlds means Yuzu lost Worlds. “I figured that maybe you – “ Javi pauses, clears his throat. “I want you to have it.”

Yuzu stares at him, speechless. Did Javi just give him his good luck talisman? He doesn’t know what to say, so he just reaches for Javi’s hand. And as if they were in a show, or a gala, Javi turns his hand to press their palms together, then wraps his fingers around Yuzu’s. For a moment, they stay like that, just holding hands… But this is no ice show, and there is no excuse, and Yuzu’s heart hammers inside his chest at the implication.

Javi doesn’t let go until he leaves.

*

“Welcome back,” Javi hugs him, pulls him close the moment Yuzu steps on the ice for his first post-injury practice. “Take it easy,” he whispers, and Yuzu nods into Javi’s neck, even though taking it easy is the last thing he wants.

His ankle is stiff and stinging in his boot, and he is pushing past pain even on easy crossovers, acutely aware of the way gripping an edge sends sharp sparks up his calf.

He is sweaty and panting by the end of the session, even though he has done nothing but some stroking and exercises that Tracy usually reserves for the Novices.

He had caught a few of Javi’s quads in his peripheral vision, but Yuzu finds that he is nowhere near as bitter, or angry, or desperate as he thought he would be. 

When Javi wraps his arm around his shoulders and helps him walk the few steps to the locker room, Yuzu feels simply  _ glad _ to be back. And when Javi hugs him again before they leave, whispering  _ I missed you here _ , Yuzu feels a quiet, tentative flicker of something like hope inside his chest. He’s just not sure if it’s hope for the Olympics, still… or for something else.

*

Yuzu’s foot is throbbing, his whole leg is throbbing, but he is grinning like a loon, staring at the ceiling of the empty locker room from where he’s lying on one of the benches, feeling both too hot and too cold. He hasn’t showered yet, too weak and tired and hurting, but delirious with pleasure.

A full run-through. The quad sal had felt like butter. The quad toe… well, he probably should not have done that one. It had jarred his ankle in a way that made Yuzu temporarily sick to his stomach, and had Brian yell at him from across the ice… But he has done it. A full run-through.

The door bangs open.

“Yuzu!”

It’s Javi, eyes wild and his accent coming in strong, the way it tends to when he’s agitated.

“I did it, Javi,” Yuzu says, letting his head loll back against the bench. “I’m back.”

“You’re a moron, that’s what you are,” Javi barks, and starts pacing the small room.

“What?” Yuzu asks, confused, and props himself up to sitting.

Javi wheels around at him: “You’re an idiot, Yuzuru!”

“What – why?”

“You could have injured yourself all over again, you impatient – you – “ Javi shakes his head dramatically.

“But I didn’t!” Yuzu protests, even though the pain is not pleasant. Even though he knows Javi is probably right.

“You  _ could have.  _ What would we have done then?”

Yuzu rolls his eyes, suddenly angry. “Why is it important for you?” he asks, glowering. “You will go to Olympics anyway – better chance at winning if I’m not there,” he spits.

“Yuzu,” Javi just throws his hands up in exasperation, and says something elaborate in Spanish, which Yuzu assumes is cursing. Then he takes a breath, facing away from Yuzu, clearly calming himself. “Of course it’s important to me,” he says then, voice tight.

“Why?” Yuzu inquires. It really shouldn’t matter to Javi whether Yuzu breaks himself or not, it –

“Because you’re important to me, you stupid!” Javi cries, turning around to face him. Before Yuzu knows what’s happening, Javi’s sitting next to him, grabbing his face in his hands, pressing his mouth against Yuzu’s, and oh. Oh.

Yuzu freezes for a second, brain too slow and tired to process what is happening, but then his instinct kicks in, and his body remembers… All those fantasies he’s had, right from when he was barely eighteen and looking at Javi with star-struck eyes, a puppy with a crush… all the way up to the past year or two, when he would look at Javi and wonder what his mouth would feel like inside, what his skin would taste like, how his hands would feel on Yuzu's body…. He would look at Javi, and decline yet another invitation to spend time together, because he was afraid of what he might do once alone with Javi, unobserved, just the two of them.

He remembers, and remembers also the tender friendship and support Javi has given him in recent weeks, and lets his lips fall open, lets his hands find Javi’s curls and card through them, like he has been wanting to for a very, very long time indeed. He sweeps the tip of his tongue over Javi’s bottom lip, reeling at the soft whimper that falls from Javi's mouth at that. Then Javi suddenly pulls away.

Yuzu opens his eyes and blinks at him as if in a daze.

“I’m sorry,” Javi mumbles, “I shouldn’t have – “ and with that, he’s out of the locker room before Yuzu can even gather his wits.

“Javi, wait – “ he yelps, but it’s only the closing door that hears him. He isn’t sure what just happened, but he knows it’s not right. That bloom of hope he has felt growing inside his chest seems to be stinging him now, demanding attention. He needs to do something.

He grabs his things and hobbles out of the locker room, wincing as he goes, but he doesn’t care – wait. He stops, and curses himself. He should care. Not because of the Olympics. Because Javi cares.

Carefully, he resumes his walk towards the exit at a more moderate pace, feeling as slow as snails, but forcing himself to be patient. His ankle rewards his efforts by hurting less. He calls Brian as he goes.

“Yuzu, are you alright?” Brian asks, sounding so concerned that he seems to have forgotten his anger over Yuzu’s earlier antics and uncondoned quads. 

“Yes, I’m fine, I’m okay,” Yuzu tells him quickly. “Brian, can you give me Javi’s address?”

“Javi’s address? Why do you need it?” Brian asks, confused.

“I – he forgot something. I will ask mom to drive past and bring it to him,” Yuzu lies, and he is sure that Brian will not buy it. But Yuzu must be better at acting than he thought because Brian agrees, promising to send it to him. 

A few moments later, his phone beeps with a message from Brian, with Javi’s home address.

His mom is waiting for him in the parking lot. He glances around quickly, sees that Javi’s car is gone. “Mom, would you take me to Javi’s, please?” he asks, and shrugs when she gives him a curious glance. “He said I should come meet Effie now that I can walk.”

Yuzu is pretty sure his mom does  _ not _ believe him, but she takes him to the address Yuzu gives her anyway, and only asks if he’ll be back tonight.

“I’m not sure,” he admits honestly. His heart hiccups a little at the thought of spending a whole evening at Javi’s, perhaps a whole night – No! He stops himself right there. One kiss, and an interrupted one at that, and he is already jumping ahead… This is why Yuzu never agreed when Javi tried to get him to spend time with him. Because he knows how much he  _ wants _ this, and how his mind tends to get out of control when he allows himself to think of it, of Javi...

“Don’t worry, I’ll call a taxi,” he assures his mom when she parks in front of the tall apartment building where Javi lives, and hugs her briefly before slipping out of the car.

He finds the bell with  _ Fern _ _ ández  _ written on the label, and presses it. His throat feels tight, and Yuzu realizes he is terrified. What if Javi doesn’t want him? What if that is why he pushed him away?

“Yes?” Javi sounds tired even over the intercom.

“It’s me, Javi,” Yuzu says. “Yuzu.”

There is silence, and for a moment Yuzu imagines he will just stand there stupidly, shivering in the cold evening air, until he finally gives up and goes home.

“Come up,” Javi says just when Yuzu is about to bang his head against the nearest wall. “Fifth floor.”

He takes the elevator, even though he hates elevators, always feeling slightly claustrophobic whenever he has to ride one. But his ankle would not appreciate a run up five flights of stairs, Yuzu imagines, and so he grits his teeth and counts the seconds as the elevator takes him up, up.

Javi’s door is a rectangle of light in the otherwise dim corridor, and Yuzu wishes he could decipher Javi’s expression as he walks towards it, but all he can see is a dark silhouette.

“Hi,” he announces when he stops in front of Javi. “I – you left too fast.”

Javi laughs a little. “Come in,” he says and steps away from the door to let Yuzu in, then waits for him to deposit his coat on one of the hooks on the wall.

“Javi, I don’t – “ Yuzu starts, but Javi stops him. His face is inscrutable, and Yuzu feels cold sweat that has nothing to do with his earlier practice break out in the small of his back.

“Let’s sit down. I’m sure it hurts,” Javi says, glancing down at Yuzu’s foot. His tone is gentle, soothing Yuzu a little.

Javi then leads him to the living room, and waits for Yuzu to settle down on the couch before sitting at the other end of it.

“Why did you come, Yuzu?” Javi asks then, eyes everywhere but on his face.

“I came – “ Yuzu starts and panics a little. Because isn’t it obvious? What is Javi thinking? “I came to meet Effie,” he blurts, then bites his tongue almost immediately.

Javi chuckles. “She’s probably hiding under the bed,” he says, smiling a little. "The doorbell always scares her a bit." Then Javi lifts his eyes – and Yuzu is surprised to find… what is it inside them? Fear? He hates that look on Javi. Hates himself for putting it there.

He inhales deeply. “I did not come for Effie,” he says, and watches Javi lift an eyebrow. “I came for you. I – when you kissed me, I thought – “ Yuzu bites his lip. “I  _ hoped _ you wanted me. Because I want you a lot, Javi. You're important to me, too. And I’m sorry I was an idiot, I was so excited that I can skate, but you know, you were right,” Yuzu stops himself there because he is babbling and Javi is staring at him in consternation, and maybe he should leave before he makes an even bigger mess of things. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why you left – but you left, I should not have come…”

He feels tears welling up inside his eyes and he wipes at them angrily. How could Javi ever want him when all he’s been doing was pushing him away, and then crying at him, always too emotional for his own good. 

“Yuzu, hey,” he hears through the teary haze. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Then why did you leave?” Yuzu asks, blinking, confused.

“Because I didn’t – I shouldn’t have kissed you like that, without asking!” Javi shakes his head, runs a nervous hand through his hair.

“No?” Yuzu asks stupidly, barely able to think past the fluttering in his chest. Javi said he shouldn’t have kissed him  _ like that _ . Not that he shouldn’t have kissed him, period.

“No,” Javi repeats, blushing.

“How  _ should _ you have kissed me?” Yuzu asks, the hope inside making him bold. He reaches out, catches Javi’s hand. Javi looks up. Yuzu smiles at him. His eyes are still teary, but he finds he doesn’t care. Slowly, surely, Javi’s expression shifts, until he is smiling back, eyes warm and hopeful.

“Like this?” Yuzu asks, and leans forward to cup Javi’s jaw with his free hand, running his fingers over the light stubble there. “Like this?” he murmurs, shifting closer, and resting his forehead against Javi’s. “Like this?” he brushes his lips against Javi’s, soft, gentle, testing his own restraint because all he wants is to yank Javi forward and plunder his mouth.

“Like this,” Javi agrees, and tilts his head a fraction to fit his lips against Yuzu’s. It’s tender and sweet, Javi clasping his hand warmly in its familiar spot on Yuzu’s nape. It’s tentative – until it isn’t, until Yuzu makes a desperate little sound and deepens the kiss, his tongue meeting Javi’s. Javi’s fingers dig into his skin, and Javi pulls him closer, and closer, until they tumble backwards and Yuzu lands in a heap on top of Javi on the couch.

It’s everything Yuzu has fantasized of… and more. He couldn’t have imagined just how good Javi would taste, and how Javi’s fingers would send sparks all through his body, or how his heart would seize up inside his chest, not in terror, not in anxiety, but in such overwhelming happiness he barely knows what to do with himself.

Suddenly, something heavy lands on his back, and Yuzu yelps. Then Javi yelps, because Yuzu jumps and accidentally elbows him in the stomach.

“What happened?” Yuzu pants, disoriented.

Javi laughs. “Meet Effie,” he says, a little breathless. Sure enough, a loud plaintive meow comes from the direction just behind Yuzu. He turns and finds a pair of yellow eyes staring back at him. “I think she likes you,” Javi says, still laughing.

“I like her, too,” Yuzu admits, reaching out to pet Effie on the head. She pushes her little nose into his palm. Yuzu laughs, delighted. Then he turns back to Javi. “But I think I like you better,” he says. 

“You’re lucky we come as a pair, then,” Javi smiles, and pulls him in for another kiss.

And Yuzu is, truly, incredibly lucky. His ankle is in pain, it’s a month until the Olympics, and he can barely land a quad without crying. But now he has a four-leaf clover, and a cat, and the man he’s been in love with for as long as he remembers.Most importantly, Yuzu now has hope again. And as he lies there melting into Javi, Yuzu thinks everything is going to be alright – one way, or another.


End file.
